However, mindfulness has taught me that it is better to come up with the most logical response in a thoughtful way as opposed to a reaction, coming up with this same response via multiple different and incorrect attempts. The down side to reaction is that its concern with immediate survival doesn’t fully evaluate the situation or consider longer term consequences. Reacting suggests hostility and the very definition uses the word force.

I’ve always been the “flight” person.

Here are some ways to help you respond vs. react: Take five deep breaths, pause for 60 seconds, take a short walk, or even wait 24 hours. Voices became louder and sharper in tone.

Thank you , Your blog is the very same advice that I have received by professionals dealing with people who have disabilities. Think; don’t assume.”, This is the advice you gave me this morning and I felt so better not overreacting like I usually do. Remind yourself that consciously or unconsciously, you are forever giving everything meaning, but. Your goal here isn’t to abolish your emotions!

As what seems to be a universal theme to mindfulness, the idea of reaction versus response is not exclusive. The voice in your head chants “this is totally bad.”. You are so kind to help us all to find a better solution rather than a emotional or irrational statement that usually we would regret. Another example may include a disagreement between you and a loved one. During one of the first listening sessions an employee voiced several concerns and expressed his objection to the plan. While my brain was still interpreting what my senses had registered, I heard another whiz and pop close. This journey has layers, so keep going in order to take an honest, objective inventory of your ‘library of beliefs, prejudices, biases, fears, and limiting decisions.’. This is a classic ENERGY leak. I, personally, am not a fan of reactions because they entail little contemplation. The natural human reaction is to defend yourself or immediately try to fix the situation. Many people find that a routine of meditating is very helpful in being able to better interrupt emotional reaction and instead respond. Choose your response, one that fits with your values and how you want to be. In my story at the beginning of this article identifying my primary objective is easy, survival. an action performed or a feeling experienced in response to a situation or event.” You can even tell how closely the two terms are related due to the fact that the official definition of. Slow Down: Chapter III (Give Me a Minute). My heart and my head are so full of thoughts to tell you, I think this is my favorite so far. I like the suggestion of planned responses, and also how difficult even that can be when knowingly going into a highly emotionally charged situation. For that we have our conscious mind. Official definitions of these words are very close, but there are an important differences in how they play out. A response does not have to go back, e.g.

It goes without saying that when the opportunity arises you need to act as you planned, but realize overriding a strong emotional reaction in order to implement your plan usually isn’t easy. Love you❤️ Grandmoo, Your email address will not be published. A stress response, on the other hand, involves acknowledging emotions rather than suppressing them while also developing tools for working with them. All rights reserved by Paul Thomas Russo. Do you know the. If your partner includes something in the argument that gets beneath your skin, a reaction to that contribution may lead you to say something that will forever dent the relationship, despite the eventual outcome. Waiting allows you a much better chance than a gut reaction. to attach the meaning that is most helpful. As Amaury Murgado points out, “I have learned from experience that trying to stop your emotions is counterproductive. While there are many things we cannot control, we have a choice in how we behave. A response comes from both the unconscious and conscious mind, is slower and allows for consideration of consequences and our personal value system. Keep up this wonderful thing you are doing.

and let me help you RESPOND as the leader you aspire to be. One example is, when papa got sick. Be prepared to repeat this as needed throughout the situation. Hood. Simple, Not Easy. (Walking from the couch to the refrigerator for that cake doesn’t count as an activity. Other situations might require more thought. The library and internet are valuable resources for books such as, Crucial Conversations which provide direction and examples. I soon realized I couldn’t act like this. When our ‘beliefs, prejudices, biases and fears that are triggered by the actions of others’ and our emotions hijack our reaction, our own physical, social or professional survival might be put in jeopardy. are often used interchangeably in our culture, although they are actually quite different in action. As you learn to respond to stress mindfully, you can gradually begin to break old default patterns of unawareness associated with stress reactions, opening the … Pause and take a few deep breaths. Response is a very broad term, and includes all reactions to a stimulus.. Answer is more specifically a response to a direct question.. One can always respond to anything (an event, an injury, a letter, a speech, a question...) but one can only answer a question. For parents it usually has something to do with raising kids to be happy, healthy, productive adults. What could you do better next time? If ever there was a time to react and respond, it was at that time! The key is to formulate a view of what you want for the big picture and to keep this big picture in mind. When we consistently respond instead of react, we reflect stability that increases trust and enables others to feel secure. On the other hand, a response is something we say in return or an answer we provide.

Our first impulse is to fight. While we aren’t able to control others or all situations, we can utilize a few tricks to better manage our own reactions so we can better orchestrate our response and then have a better chance of obtaining our ‘primary objectives.’, Your physical wellness affects your ability to react at your best-self level. Contrary to what you may believe, you can’t change the situation. They indicate you are entering into an emotionally charged situation.

Allow me to attempt in explaining the difference. If in spite of trying you’re just not able to side-rail your emotional reaction and implement a thoughtful response, or if your emotional reactions are explosive or deep, extra help might be required.

Reacting, J. Loeks writes: The act of responding requires one to look at the circumstance, identify the problem or situation, hear what is happening and reflect. , but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy to control. Identifying our primary goals from the possibilities can help us formulate actions that will get closer to those goals. For relationship-partners it might be a joyful, loving relationship.

A colleague dismisses your input which frustrates you. For more about strengthening interpersonal relationships, see Communicating to Connect with Style(s). Remind yourself that consciously or unconsciously, you are forever giving everything meaning, but you have the power to attach the meaning that is most helpful. ), Review the history of your reactionary moments. We can’t sleep, our stomach is in knots, and the bad situation is all we can think about. It was exhausting. Certain emotionally charged situations will test your leadership resolve. You are my hero and my heart.

A surge in adrenaline makes us ready and alert and puts us in fight, flight or freeze mode. Some may go into flee or freeze mode when confronted with stressors like this. In an article for Psychology Today, Dr. Matt James explains that the difference is in the timing of what happens in our brain and body.

This set a tone for communication between top leadership and employees that would last for years to come and would make the organization’s bumpy ride through many challenges even more difficult than it had to be.

Click Here to Read the Privacy Statement and Disclaimer, Build Trust and Still Be Strong: How to Avoid Being Taken Advantage of, Tips for Building Trust through Authentic Leadership. to complicated circumstances? The next time a circumstance triggers a feeling of fear, frustration, annoyance, defensiveness, anger or any other challenging emotion—notice if you find yourself, .

If we give into this impulse we might not actually punch with our fists but we might through some verbal punches and slam things.

Some steps to take include: What went well? Those emotions of yours are very important signals. Before I began my practice, I would unknowingly use the two terms interchangeably, when in reality there is a significant difference between the two. If that person is upset with that response and degrades you, then they are reacting and not responding. If your boss gives you a compliment on a project you just completed, an internal reaction may be that you are immediately expecting a promotion the very next day.

Instead, do not allow an argument to escalate to an unreachable mindful state. Walking down this memory lane might be uncomfortable and even painful, but the quality of your future depends on it.

Do you know the difference? Reacting to a situation is a defense mechanism that is usually thought of in opposition to something. Thank you so much my darling for reminding me about this. As a result, my response was to keep walking at a casual pace down the sidewalk and through the parking lot to the dumpster and back, ignoring the occasional whizzing and popping. Big reaction time. I’ll always wonder how differently things would have turned out if this leader had been able to respond with understanding and respect rather than react in verbal fight mode. A person has a reaction to a medicine. I have been thinking about the consequences of react vs. respond for some time. If your conscious goals are in conflict with your unconscious mind’s sense of survival, the unconscious will derail any efforts you try to make toward those goals.”. to a situation, we are in control and fully aware of our actions.

Giving into impulse—reacting– is often ineffective and does more harm than good.